Reigning In A New Year

Who am I
after sand and turbulence
the grit and the hail
the sad and the pain
when the circumstance is always misery
and the forecast stays constant with rain
crippling the body
dissolving the soul
and fraying the mind
when my pigment stains black
my blood boils dry
the walls crumble
wheels of life scurry, roll away
and the glasses shatter
who am i when the money is gone
freedom turns to doom
and Im posted up....naked, vulnerable
always alone
lost in my dreary world
of pity and hate
disdain and large voids
and what causes me to smile
despite the hardships
happiness I cant proclaim
I am blinded
by mere possibilities
of what i see in everyday
the glee and the laughter
that i am desperate to conquer
overcast and thrown underneath
without and cornered-in
no purpose and for nothing I live
i stay high
yet linger...submerged below
if this is life....I would rather not
why am I?